Has someone ever hurt you, left you tearing up, and then made it worse by blatantly saying that you made them do it?
Relationships have rough points; sometimes, navigating through them can be hard. Feeling hurt is an inevitable aspect of sharing our lives with others. The dance between hurt and blame is a complex, emotionally charged terrain where the boundaries of responsibility blur and the dynamics of power shift like ocean waves.
If you are balancing between hurt and blame, this article provides incredible insights into the complex relational issue, allowing you to be empowered enough to make the best decision.
When Someone Hurts You But Blames You (Read This First)
If you find yourself in a situation where someone consistently hurts you and then blames you, it’s essential to assess the dynamics of the relationship and consider whether it’s in your best interest to maintain it. People can sometimes work on their shortcomings to create a great relationship, but in other cases, it’s hard to get through toxic relationship behaviors.
Why Would They Hurt You And Blame You?
There can be various reasons why someone might hurt you and then try to blame you for their actions. While each case and relationship is unique, below are some of the possible explanations for the behavior:
Guilt and Shame
Hurting someone can bring guilt and shame to the guilty party. Some people do not know how to deal with guilt and shame and can try to overcome these feelings by projecting them to the person they hurt. Blaming someone they broke can provide temporary relief from the guilt and shame.
Deterring From Responsibility
It is not easy to admit and confess when an individual makes a mistake. You can reveal that your significant other was wrong, but that does not mean they are ready to admit their mistake and take responsibility. Blaming them is the wrong way to escape responsibility for hurting another person.
Low Empathy
Some individuals may have a limited capacity for empathy and struggle to understand or acknowledge the impact of their actions on others. Blaming you may reflect their inability to recognize your feelings. Also, if someone cannot come up to your level and understand that they cause you to hurt, they may fail to see their fault in the situation.
Manipulation
Unfortunately, some people are manipulative and always want to cease control in a relationship. Therefore, they fail to recognize how they cause others to hurt and instead blame them for feeling hurt by their actions. Making you feel responsible for their hurtful actions may be a way to gain control over you and remain manipulative.
Narcissism
Selfish people are so full of themselves that they cannot admit to being wrong in a relationship. Their toxic ego makes them feel too good to show empathy and acknowledge hurting another person. Narcissistic people also have an inflated self-perception and believe they are too good to be wrong and instead prefer blaming the people they hurt.
Related: My Husband Points Out Everything I Do Wrong
Insecurity
Individuals with low self-esteem may blame others to protect their fragile self-image. They might believe that shifting blame onto you preserves their self-worth. Also, they fear admitting wrong can make them look weak and incapable.
Miscommunication
Many relationship problems result from miscommunication. Sometimes, misunderstandings or misinterpretations can lead to hurtful actions. In such cases, the person may blame you for a lack of clarity or communication breakdown.
How To Navigate Through a Person Who Hurts You and Blames You
Being in a relationship with someone who consistently hurts you and then blames you can be emotionally challenging and potentially harmful to your well-being. Here are some tips to consider when dealing with such a situation:
Reflection
Before taking action towards a situation in a relationship, it is essential to consider doing self-reflection. Start by assessing the situation and your feelings. Reflect on how this person’s actions have affected you and whether the relationship is worth maintaining.
During the self-reflection. Ask yourself if there is any truth to the person’s claims or if their blame is unjustified. Self-reflection can help you gain clarity about your actions and intentions.
Initiate Communication
It is easier to navigate through any relational issue with effective communication. Try to have open and honest conversations with the person, expressing how their actions hurt and blame affects you. When communicating, try and help them understand how you feel and point out specific situations when their actions hurt you but they blamed you.
Create Boundaries
If the person continues to blame you without taking responsibility for their actions, it may be necessary to set clear boundaries. Tell them you won’t accept being unfairly blamed for things that are not your responsibility.
For boundaries to work, you must communicate them to your significant other. Also, remember that adequate limits should come with consequences if violated. Let your partner know that you will take specific actions if they break the boundaries.
Practice Good Listening
In as much as you feel hurt by the other person’s actions, it is essential that you actively listen to them. When discussing the issue, try to remain calm and composed. Avoid becoming defensive or engaging in a heated argument, which can escalate the situation.
Remember to encourage the person to express their perspective and feelings as well. Active listening can foster understanding and empathy, even if you disagree with their viewpoint.
Involve a Third Party
Solving an issue with the person who hurt you can be difficult. Sometimes, it is vital to involve a trustworthy third party so that they can bring in a different point of view through the situation. For example, consider going for couples therapy if it is your spouse or partner involved or a trusted mentor during the conversation regarding the case.
Evaluate the Relationship
You need to evaluate the relationship if your partner or friend hurts you and blames you on various occasions. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and beneficial for you. Consider the impact it has on your emotional and mental well-being.
Depending on the severity and persistence of the hurtful behavior, you may consider limiting contact, distancing yourself, or even ending the relationship if it becomes clear that it’s detrimental to your well-being.
Final Thoughts
You have the right to prioritize your well-being and mental health. It can be challenging to navigate a relationship with someone who consistently hurts and blames you, but taking steps to protect yourself and seek support can help you make informed decisions about moving forward.